Blue Christmas

It was 2.30 on the Sunday afternoon when I received the phone call. It was 23rd of December and I was preparing for the Carol Service. My Dad's voice was tired, resigned and sad, "Son I'm ringing to let you know that Mum died 10 minutes ago."

I was a young minister and this was my first church. My Mother was 54 when she lost her battle with cancer. I went to the Carol Service. The Church was beautifully decorated for Christmas. The familar words of the carols rang out. It was a Welsh congregation and they sang their hearts out. I preached on the 3 wise men finding their King, God and Saviour but honestly in my heart, at that moment, I felt I had lost him.

Bereavement is a time of pain and confusion when your foundations are shaken. The familiar certainties crumble and the horns of reality seem to be cruelly sharp. I was 26 when my Mother died but hearing the news that Sunday afternoon I felt like a small boy again. I stood in the garden looking up at the gray skies and my tears mingled with the rain as I cried for my lovely Mother.

I wasn't a small boy, I was a young man with a loving wife by my side. In my heart I knew that love remains. As Edith Sitwell put it in the poem 'Eurydice' : Love is not changed by Death, And nothing is lost and all in the end is harvest.'

Christmas can be such a difficult time. Living with loss becomes all the more poignant at this time of celebration. That is why this year at All Saints we are including a service for the quiet discovery of the true meaning of Christmas. It is an invitation to be ourselves in God's presence with all our hurts and pains. Christmas is not only for those whose joy knows to bounds it is also for those whose sorrow knows no end. The Redeemer comes to all. On Tueday 21st December at 7pm is the time to learn anew that the star of Bethlehem shines in the darkest night even today.